Jaded?

Warm, welcoming hello to you~

Jaded is the label I am putting on my Yoga practice. Shocker!  Let me continue…

I’ve been living in California since September.  I have practiced Yoga here now for over 6 months.  What I’ve experienced has shifted my devotion.  Yoga isn’t what it was when I couldn’t get enough a few years ago-say 2008?  When none of my friends or family could reach me because I was on my way to-or already deep in my practice.  If they wanted to connect, I’d tell them, “you can come to Yoga practice with me!”

Have I had too much?  Initially, I felt a deeper meaning.  I felt a sense of connection to the greater whole.  Yoga was my escape from reality.  I delve into a another world and explored the universe inside myself.  Is it bias? In Madison, Wisconsin-my practice was incredible.  It was so deep and so true.  There’d be an off day where this didn’t apply-yet that occurrence was infrequent.

Labeling the way I feel at this current moment is more of a question-I’m questioning myself. Introspection. Svadhyaya perhaps.  It’s possible I’m just in a “winter” of my life-a dip-there’s highs, lows~

It’s true, however. It’s very true.  My “asana” practice isn’t what it used to be.  I used to be crazy about “tradition” and how I didn’t like most styles of asana practice because they simply weren’t the “real thing.”

Now?  How do I feel?  I don’t think there were Yogis in the Himalayas doing “upward dog.”  I’m just not feeling it!

What is more important?

Physical Yoga. Hatha Yoga. Asana practice cultivates awareness.

Every dedicated moment on the mat is another opportunity to get in touch with myself.  Knowing my self better enables me to be a person who responds as opposed to reacts to situations in life.  Reaction tends to be unconscious.  Making conscious decisions in life is a skill.

Every moment on the mat is a chance to notice my own patterns, how I respond to difficulty or challenge, what my expectations are, what my desires are…

Discipline in practice translates to daily life.

If this is not my experience, each time I step on the mat-the sense of unfulfilled sets in-immediately.  Am I causing it?

I mean no harm by these words, but I do not feel inspired by the Yoga Instructors in my area.  Giselle Mari.  Yes.  She’s only one.  Prajna Vieira.  Okay, we have two…I’m running out!  I’ve taken some incredible classes here in the SF Bay area.  BUT! Who really has the depth I’m yearning for?!

Oh, and yes. I’m still working on my abs. 😀

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6 Responses to Jaded?

  1. Yes, I love this post! ‘No one has the depth you are yearning for’–to paraphrase and respond. What a great insight. Yes, a few years ago a similar experience to what you described happened. At the time, I called it disillusionment. To free oneself of the illusion that the class or the teacher had something to give you. To see directly, have the insight that “I am it’, that ‘we are it’ or ‘you are it’.
    There is in fact nothing to achieve and those moments with other teachers and other classes were not what they appeared afterall. In those classes the depth, the beauty, the inspiration was the realization of unity consciousness. Now we can still go to classes without any need to fill up, go deeper, get something. It is called awakening.

  2. oh Lana. you put into words almost exactly how I feel. I can’t find a practice or teachers that I connect with here in Jersey at the moment. I long for my teachers and my practice that I had years ago in Boston. Stuck in the past. I cut back on my teaching schedule and emotionally I am disconnected from my practice. I think it ebbs and flows. Perhaps it is just a winter season.
    xox

    • Lana says:

      Is it a conscious shift? I need something profound! The few moments I spent on the “great lawn” with over 10 thousand: http://videos.nymag.com/video/rained-out-Yoga-at-the-Great-La#c=FY269R10M5LBBMHT&t=(rained out) Yoga at the Great Lawn I can’t lie. I felt some energy there. At least half…or more? OF these people were all unified when Elena asked us to put our hands on our hearts and connect. Something was real! A MAJOR shift is needed on this planet and I have experienced the potential of this during a deeply intense practice with a room of dedicated practitioners…can I have a little more of that??!!!

  3. Lana says:

    Right. It’s me. Then again-I do encounter a lot of strange “exercise” classes that are mis-labeled Yoga…where the instructors are making demands and sometimes blatantly embarrassing students who are lacking dedication-or worse, coordination. This may be what I was referring to…There’s also those amazing instructors and amazing hours of practice-that-for some reason I was still feeling a lack–that! That is when I was pouring my self into the practice. When a part of me wasn’t present…yes?

  4. I’ve recently had the opportunity to study with Scott Blossom for the Ayurvedic Yoga curriculum Kripalu offers. He is in SF and berkeley and the practice he teaches has helped my understanding of yoga and how to practice in a way that works to connect with the earth, circulate prana intentionally, and clear any blockages. http://www.shunyatayoga.com

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